Middle Ground
by HollyBush
Summary: "No, Glinda! It wasn't like that!" But it was. Here's why.
1. Chapter 1

**Middle Ground.**

**A/N I am posting the first chapter of my new multi-chap for you to judge :) I am currently on chapter 23, and there should be about 27. I will finish it as soon as uni allows me, but I would like to know how you feel about it first. So...here it is. Let me know if you'd be interested in reading on :)**

**Just a warning: This is a bit different. I'm approaching this in a Vignette style sort of thing. The chapters will be short, but that's not because I am too lazy for long chapters. This just works a lot better with the plot and general feeling of this story. I hope you enjoy it, in any case. Even if it isn't what you're looking for. **

**Disclaimer: I realize it's not mine every day. Props to Holzman, Schwartz and, more than anyone, Maguire :) And to the cast members of all the shows I've seen for making me believe them every time.**

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They were too close.

But then, they'd been too close many a time before and they'd never come close to actually catching her. So, really, with pursuers as thick and slow as these Gale Forcers, no one could blame her for being slightly careless, slightly cocky and not nearly afraid enough.

She knew these woods like the back of her hand. They were on her side and had been her aid, her guide and her protection since the very beginning. She'd never gotten lost in the woods. She felt at home among trees and bushes and wildlife. The earth beneath her feet, the sky above her head, the green all around her...they belonged to her like nothing ever had. And she belonged to them.

So she wasn't afraid. She'd get out of this pickle as she had gotten out of many in the past years. She'd picked up her speed, broom in her hand, thanking the stars that she'd left her cloak behind because it would have made these sharp twists and turns a lot more complicated.

She was tired, though. Exhausted from running. They were slow on the uptake, but not slow in the field and there were so many of them. Where did the Wizard keep getting them from?

They were green in more ways than one. In more ways than she was. Young, ambitious, moulded to be mean and trained to focus on nothing but her capture. She'd think nothing of it if she hadn't been so exhausted from the pure physical exercise of running. Sure, she was quick, agile and light on her feet but she was thin and bordering on underfed. Which meant she could balance precariously on the thinnest branches in the highest trees and it meant she could fly her broom faster than anyone would ever succeed in doing. Unfortunately, it also meant she tired quickly and lacked the physical strength and stamina required for races such as these.

Not that she'd give up. She'd rather drop off a cliff than get caught by one of those school boys. But she'd have to find a place soon. A place to hide in or to fly from. Whichever came first.

She ran, rushing around bushes, ducking under trees and twisting around rocks and roots that had dug their way up to the surface. She could still hear the footsteps behind her but there were no footpaths anywhere anymore; they'd gone too deep into the forest for that, and it would be getting dark soon, dusk already descending.

She trusted them to fear the night, the dark forest and _her_ enough to turn around soon and head back for the safety of the city. She slowed down a little, allowing herself a quick moment to catch her breath.

And then she heard his voice.

That voice that made her think of velvet and honey and cough syrup. Of poppies and of afternoons in the library, the last sun rays of the day illuminating racks and stacks of dusty volumes. Of an afternoon in the middle of a clearing with a Lion cub and unspoken wishes and a million maybes filling the silence between them.

That voice that she'd heard in dreams and fantasies almost since the moment she'd heard it for the first time. That voice that she'd know anywhere.

_Fiyero. _

The sting was sharp but brief.

He was one of them, then. It didn't surprise her as much as it should have, but it hurt more than it should too. More than she'd expected it to.

He'd joined the Gale Force. It was bittersweet really, she reckoned, to stand there and hear his voice. To be so close to him without the option of seeing him. For the only man she'd ever felt anything for to be looking for her death.

She wondered if he knew about her feelings for him. If he'd known when she left and when he'd signed up for this job.

Did he know, did the Wizard, that he could be their biggest chance of catching her? That he had the option of being their best shot at her. Did they know that?

She did. She could feel it now, the urge to turn back towards that voice. She willed her feet to run, but they refused to listen. She flattened herself against a tree and sank down, disappearing in the bushes. If she couldn't make herself run, she'd have to settle for hiding.

Had he seen her? Is that why his voice seemed to be getting closer?

"I'll stay here, you guys take that side, I'll take this side. There's nothing here, anyway. She's long gone, as always."

A slap on a shoulder, a cough, and the rustling of leaves.

"Way to motivate, Tiggular. She has to screw up sometime, somewhere. We'll get her."

She heard him laugh and urge them to move. The dying footsteps told her they'd listened.

Why?

She couldn't stop the question from echoing through her head. It came and would not be ignored.

Why was he doing this? Why did he join the Gale Force of all things? _Why_?

She never would have thought that of him. He had never been...had he? He would never think...did he believe them? Did he think she was what they made her out to be? It didn't help to remind herself that she'd never had any claim to him, that he'd never been hers in any way. _You can't lose what you never had, _people always said.

But you could. And she knew that all too well.

The footsteps neared but she couldn't be sure they were his. It shouldn't matter, she shouldn't look, but she couldn't stop herself. She peeked around the tree, carefully. Not for the first time did she realize that that which had made her unable to blend in with the crowd, enabled to her to blend in with the forest so well. What had made her life so difficult in everything that passed for normal, made her life so much easier now. The green had been a curse in her previous life but as a fugitive it had served her ridiculously well.

He stood in between the trees, his back to her, looking up, down and from side to side. He was alone but he didn't seem afraid. Nothing moved but the wind that rustled the leaves, as she slowly stood, careful not to make a sound.

What was she doing?

She should be sinking back into the bushes, wait for him to move on and then she'd able to go. To finally resume her flight.

Yet she didn't. She stood there, peeking around the tree, staring at his back.

It was strange, this sense of calm. If he turned around now, he'd look straight at her.

What would he do, if that happened? What would he do if he saw her? Would he really arrest her? Call for his fellow soldiers and haul her off to the palace?

Not that he'd get the chance to. He was alone now and she'd be up in the air before he could finish his call for back-up.

She told herself it was that, that lack of real danger, that kept her standing there. She knew it wasn't. She also knew the real danger here didn't lie in her possible arrest. She was faster than them, faster than him, and she would get away. That wasn't the danger at all.

She didn't linger on that, though, as she watched him, her head cocked to the side, her eyes boring into the back of his head.

He turned to the side and looked up. She held her breath. If he took one more step to the side now, he'd see her.

She should run. Now. Fast.

_Now. _

His feet moved again, another shuffle towards her, but his eyes were still trained on the sky. Was he expecting to see her there?

Another inch of a step in her direction. He was almost there now. Almost. All he had to do was take his eyes from the darkening sky and look straight ahead.

She knew what she was doing. What she was risking. Not just death. Inexplicably, that didn't raise any fear.

And it was too late now, anyway. Too late to make a move. If she stirred now, he'd see it. He'd catch it from the corner of his eye and she'd be seen. She might as well wait it out.

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**Thank you for reading :)**

**Please leave me review and tell me if I should bother to include 'Middle Ground Writing Time' in my schedule ;)**

**Oh, and if you haven't yet read it, let me recommend Fermataoso's latest works to you. Fantastic. Shot in the Dark and The Toughest Case inspired me to open my Word Processor today :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 2**

**A/N Okay. My laptop crashed and died. In my time of midterms and essay deadlines. I nearly died. I have this entire story on usb, though so I lost three chapters at most. That's something, at least :) So from my old computer, I bring you this chapter. The third one should be here later this week. **

**Thanks to those who reviewed. Thank you so much :)**

**HC247...That was an excellent Final :)**

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_She might as well wait it out..._

Wait and see.

She didn't linger on why she wanted this. Needed this, even.

He'd look in her direction any second now, his eyes would lock on hers. And she'd know. She'd know if he had truly changed that much.

She was risking death, she supposed. Torture at the hands of the Gale Force. It could happen, no matter how fast she was. How well she knew these woods.

He_ could_. He had a chance.

And if he did...If he arrested her...well...she'd be dead.

That was coming anyway, no way around it. She'd known quite from the start, and was getting more secure in the knowledge every day, that a life on the run would not be a long one.

Death was around every corner. It would come for her sooner or later.

If she was being perfectly honest, she'd rather it be sooner. She wasn't suicidal and she knew the worth of what she did, but she also knew, felt it a little more every day, that her life was not one she wanted to live. Not really. Not for long. When she succeeded, _if_ she did, what would be left?

She moved before she gave herself time to think. The hem of her dress in one hand, her broom in the other, she stepped out of the bushes.

He didn't appear to have noticed, his body was mostly turned towards her but his eyes were still searching the skies, the top of the trees. He looked for her only among the highest points, then. She supposed it could be worse.

She moved till she stood mere feet away from him but she didn't say anything.

His head moved then and she could feel every millisecond of that movement. Every hair on her body stood upright and a shiver rippled up her spine and made her skin crawl.

Before she had a chance to flee, he turned to her fully and gasped.

She saw his eyes widen and heard his breath hitch in his throat. He took a few steps back as if by instinct and she noticed it with a simultaneous surge of satisfaction and hurt.

He stared at her the way she stared at him, his blue eyes wide in wonder, but neither spoke.

She nodded and grimaced an attempt at a smile.

"Hello Fiyero."

That seemed to shake him out of his reverie because he took a few steps towards her and stretched his arm in her direction. She watched his hand reach for her and fought herself not to back away. She wasn't as comfortable as she had thought, no, _hoped_, she'd be but she couldn't let that show.

"What do you want, exactly?"

He shook his head a little then, as if to clear his mind at her question, and a lock of hair fell over his eyes. She tried not to see that and was amazed at the urge she felt to swipe it away from his forehead. It had never been her place to do so and she didn't understand where that sudden need would come from.

"Elphaba..." Her name was a sigh on his lips. It relaxed her shoulders a little to know it wasn't a curse.

"How have you been?"

The wonder she'd seen in his eyes shone through in his voice.

"I'm alright."

He blinked at that and it almost made her smile. He didn't appear to be much of a threat as of yet. He was just Fiyero.

"You're alright?"

That did make her smile. The pull of her lips as the corners of her mouth lifted felt alien to her.

"I wouldn't have made a different choice so yes, I'm alright. Or as well as can be expected."

His eyes narrowed, telling her he didn't believe her, but he didn't question her.

"You look terrible."

The smile made place for a grimace.

"Thank you."

"Well, you do. You're still beautiful, but you've looked better."

She couldn't believe it, but her cheeks flushed a little at his words, whether it was at the off-hand compliment, or the unapologetic criticism, she wasn't sure.

"You need to eat."

She eyed him, not bothering with a response.

"Is that all?"

His eyes had still been focused on her body, wandering from top to bottom and back and it made heat rise up to her cheeks. She was embarrassed, another surprising emotion, one she had thought herself no longer capable of, and she found she didn't like it. She didn't want his eyes on her body. She felt inferior and ridiculous all of a sudden. She had no right feeling anything for him. Not even if it was just for herself, suffered in silence and never to be acted on or spoken of.

"What?"

His dazed response to her harsh question had brought his eyes back to hers and her thoughts back to the moment. She turned around to leave but his fingers wrapped around her wrist and for one moment, the world stopped.

"Fiyero. It's best you let me go."

"I can't"

His voice was hoarse, the words barely more than a whisper.

She gave an inch, her body tilting back towards him.

"Well, that complicates things."

His fingers tightened around her wrist, his thumb rubbing the skin softly. He would feel her heartbeat speed up. She couldn't stay.

"I'm sorry."

Her eyes snapped back to his face at that.

"What are _you _sorry for?"

His thumb continued rubbing little circles, as his other hand wrapped around her elbow and pulled her to him. Did he know what he was doing? Was he aware of...of..._of anything_?

"For everything."

She struggled to focus on his words, not his touch. Not his fingers on her skin.

"That doesn't clear it up in the slightest."

Her words were rather harsh, her tone derogatory. She knew it but she couldn't stop it. It wasn't fair but it was all she had. She'd let it come too far, she should have run when he hadn't seen her yet, but she hadn't and this was how she paid for that.

Oh Oz, how she would pay for this.

"For this."

He gestured at his uniform.

He was still talking. She was sure it was important, the words he had so much trouble getting out, but she couldn't bring herself to focus. His hand had moved from her elbow up to her shoulder and back. And then back again. His fingers ghosting over her arm in an erratic rhythm.

"For Glinda. For your life..."

She held up a hand.

"Fiyero. Stop."

This had to stop. She needed to leave.

"We all do what we have to. If anything, this life has taught me that. Tell Glinda...well...tell her nothing, but..."

He nodded, but his one hand clasped her wrist tighter and then let go to lace their fingers together. She looked down, her heart racing, but then his other hand came rest on her shoulder, his fingers digging into the fabric of her dress, into her flesh, burning into her skin.

She tried to pull back but it only made him hold on tighter.

"Elphaba?"

She looked up at him, into his eyes for the first time. She didn't understand what she saw there but she knew, she knew, he wouldn't call for his fellow men. He wouldn't arrest her. He wouldn't. If she allowed it, he'd stand there for the rest of the night, her hand in his and her body only inches from his.

She pulled away from him, ignoring the ache she felt at the loss of contact and dared a smile.

"Goodbye Fiyero."

She didn't wait. She turned and ran, and though she couldn't make out the words, she heard his voice carry through the silence.

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**Thanks to NastElilBugger for making me look at it closer and for having the patience to deal with me :)**

**Please do leave me your thoughts! There's more to come ...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 3**

**A/N Thank you SO much for reviewing! Absolutely makes my day, even if my roommate stares at me in wonder when I get all giddy from checking my inbox...**

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He couldn't let it go.

Before, it had been bad. Bad enough to lose sleep over. Bad enough to keep him up and have him drinking more whiskey than was good for him.

Before, he'd been able to tell himself that all he wanted was to see her once. Just once, to assure himself that she was alright. That she was alive and healthy and doing what she needed to be doing.

He'd been able to convince himself fairly well.

Now, though...

Now that he'd seen her...

Now he knew better.

Now he knew it wasn't enough. It wasn't nearly enough.

The look on her face, the colour of her hair, her haunting eyes, her body, tall and too slender but oh so alluring...

He couldn't get it out of his mind, not for even a second.

He'd been with the Gale Force for nearly a year now, he was well on his way to being the Captain. He was successful and admired. He had prestige, money and a beautiful girlfriend who adored him.

And it didn't matter in the slightest.

He didn't care about any of it.

Sure, he cared for Glinda. He would always care for Glinda. But even she wasn't enough to keep him from daydreaming about Elphaba, thinking about Elphaba, fantasizing about Elphaba.

Every thought he'd ever had about his green former class mate, he'd pushed aside by telling himself he was simply concerned for her safety and the attraction that he thought he felt for her, everything that he thought he felt for her, was just in his head. Was just a residue feeling, left behind by unfinished moments back in school.

Now that he'd seen her, he knew that was bull. An absolute load of crap.

He was in love with that woman, as surely as he was not in love with Glinda. It was pure fact and he knew it.

So he couldn't let it go. He had to find her. He needed to see her again, to talk to her. Just talk to her.

He'd been back to where he'd seen her a few times. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting to find, but she hadn't been there. There'd been nothing there but fresh memories to taunt him.

Still, he couldn't stay away. He couldn't make himself forget and put it behind him.

He had to keep trying.

He'd seen her once, maybe he'd see her again. Even if it took another two years. Even if it drove him to the brink of insanity.

He put down his glass, grabbed his coat and headed for the door.

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**A/N Short, I know. This is what I meant. There's a few more chapters throughout that are this short, but there's longer ones as well, so I hope it doesn't bother too much (I hate short chapters so I get it, trust me!). **

**To make up for it, I will post the next one tomorrow or Sunday at the latest!**

**Please review? I'd be so grateful. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 4**

**A/N Thank you SO much for reviewing. And because I forget to mention it with each chapter; thank you, thank you, thank you (add another hundred times to that) to those who nominated and/or voted for me in the Fanfic Awards. I am incredibly proud and honoured. And giddy. Again. **

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She was being stupid.

An absolute idiot.

Why was she even here?

It was a risk, too much of one, and more than she was usually willing to take.

And there would be no pay-off.

He was safe and happy and well cared for in his cushy palace room with Glinda by his side.

He wouldn't even be thinking of her.

So why was she thinking of him?

Why was she lingering in the woods so close to the Emerald City these days?

What was she even hoping to accomplish?

To see him?

Just to see him?

The answer, sad and pathetic it may be, was yes.

She just wanted to see him.

The look in his eyes haunted her now, and not just in dreams. He'd looked so...glad to see her. Relieved. Pained. Troubled.

Happy.

Not disgusted. Not horrified. If anything, he'd looked...he'd looked...

She nearly growled in frustration with herself. She needed to _stop._

There was no point to any of this.

It didn't matter what he'd looked like and what he might or might not have been feeling.

She was risking her life for a glimpse of a man that had no role in her life whatsoever.

She had no business here. She should go.

But she didn't. She'd almost gone to see him, at one point. Had almost directed her broom to the palace. She'd been able to stop herself from actually going through with it but it had thrown her off.

She was well aware of the fact that she had feelings for him. She'd had them since school, since that cub, since even before then, maybe.

She'd always thought he was beautiful, at least. Even when she'd thought he was nothing more than a lazy playboy Prince, she'd known he was beautiful. The most beautiful man she'd ever seen.

He made all the boys at Shiz seem exactly like that...boys.

Just as he now made all his fellow soldiers look like boys.

Oz, he was so beautiful. So utterly attractive. She hated herself for thinking about him, but she couldn't stop.

It was as if everything she'd pushed from her mind, from her life, had returned when she saw him again. And returned full-force.

And now, she was stuck. She wanted to move on, move away, forget about him and go back to the way her life had been, but she couldn't. She'd been able, with too much effort for it to be healthy, to keep herself from coming here for two weeks. Nearly three.

But now here she was, finding herself in the same area as they'd met last time, not even knowing why.

Did she really think he was going to come back? Did she really believe that he was thinking about her, too?

What was she hoping for?

Why did she keep wanting to come back here?

She almost left again, almost convinced herself that nothing would ever come of this and it would be best if she never saw him again, when she heard it.

Footsteps that snapped twigs and branches. Leaves rustling as someone moved through them.

Elphaba tensed and moved towards the trees. Were they alone? Was it the Gale Force? Was this her punishment for being so utterly foolish?

She hoisted herself up into the tree, making sure she could see well enough around her and kept still.

She held her breath as branches were pushed aside by a form she could not yet make out and let it out too quickly when she finally saw who it was.

It was him.

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**Thanks for reading. I hope you'll leave me a review :)**

**Next chapter a little later this week!**

**Oh, and a tip; I got the idea for this fic when I got to see the show in London, during the last few weeks of Rachel Tucker's reign. It was unbelievable. I've just listened to the audio of her very last show and her Defying Gravity and The Wizard and I are through the roof. Check it out if you have the time. Mindblowing. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 5**

**A/N I had the day off unexpectedly and it results in an update :)**

**I hope you enjoy.**

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_It was him. _

It really was.

Fiyero.

He'd come back.

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that. A part of her wanted to let him know she was there, the other part told her to run. Yelled at her to run.

Like last time, she didn't listen to the wiser part.

She watched him look around, watched him search for her, because she knew, she_ knew_, he was there to search for her. She watched as he sank down to the floor, his back against a tree.

She watched him for a little while and then slid down the tree and walked around it, to face him.

She didn't have to say anything, he was on his feet as soon as he laid eyes on her.

"Elphaba."

She wanted to look away, but there was a magnetic force at work that wouldn't let her.

"Fiyero."

She looked at her feet, annoyed with herself and then back up. She shrugged a little.

"I don't know what we're doing here."

He didn't smile, only got more serious and stepped forward.

"_I_ know why I'm here. I've been back here a few times. I was hoping to see you."

She believed him. That was a problem.

Neither of them should be doing this. Neither of them should be here. They had other places to be. Other lives to lead. Lives that didn't include each other.

"Fiyero. This is pointless."

He didn't move.

"Then why did you come?"

A grim smile she couldn't stop tugged at her lips.

"I'm not sure."

He smiled a little, a small but not a nervous smile. How was he not nervous? Her whole body seemed to shake with it.

"Really?"

He moved forward a little and his face was so close to hers she almost had to back away to look him in the eye.

"Fiyero..."

He still wasn't touching her, but his presence became more oppressing somehow. He was getting too close, in every sense of the word.

"You really don't know why you came back here?"

She took one step back, her sanity a more pressing matter than her pride right then.

"Fiyero..."

He took another step as well and risked a hand up to cup her cheek.

"Okay, I don't even really know either. There's too much going on that I can't comprehend. But..."

His other hand grabbed hold of hers, his thumb gently rubbing over her knuckles.

He looked down at their hands and smiled, a small smile, a wistful one.

"I really wish it was a lot simpler than this."

She wanted to move away from him, she wanted to pull her hand back, but she could only stand there, entranced. He was becoming such a man. Was already a man and he was more honest, more open now than she'd ever seen him.

Gone was the Prince that had danced so skilfully through life. In his place was a man who didn't know his place in life yet but was searching for it. And he would find it, she was sure. There was a charisma and a power to him now that hadn't been there at Shiz. Not like this. She wondered what had happened to him to change him so, and the bitterness she felt at not knowing, at not having been there, was overwhelming.

"Elphaba?"

He must have noticed her distraction because he kissed her hand and smiled at her.

"I don't know what we're doing either. But I can't stop thinking about you. I know how that sounds and I know I probably shouldn't be saying it, but it's the truth. And I just want the truth for once."

She knew exactly what he meant. How he felt. This moment, this thing between them, as twisted and weird and wrong as it may be, was at least truthful.

Maybe that was why she'd been unable to walk away. Why she'd been unable to stay away.

He provided her with something real, in a world where nothing in her life was real. Nothing about her life was built on the truth. The lies, the deception, the unfairness of the world..it caught up with her sometimes and it took all her willpower to keep going. To not give up. But she was tired. She was so tired sometimes.

And Fiyero...

Fiyero was real.

He knew her still. He saw her for who she was, whatever that was at the moment. And he didn't judge her, or try persuade her to change or switch sides or even talk. He just stood here in the forest and held her hand.

She peeked back up at him and dared to smile back.

"I would like that. The truth."

She wasn't even sure what that meant, but he seemed to understand it well enough.

He let his hand move from her face into her hair and down her back and pulled her to him.

A hug. He'd never hugged her before. Very little people had, and the lack of experience with them made her uncomfortable with the sensation. This, though, was nice.

His body was pressed against hers but only lightly. His arms supportive but not heavy. Her head rested on his shoulder and she could almost feel his pulse. His body heat enough to ward off the evening chill.

Her arms came up to embrace him and she let herself relax for a moment. Just for a moment. She'd leave soon, they'd say goodbye and then she'd be back to business, to her job, her life, the cold. The lies.

But this...for now...it was more than she'd thought she'd have. She'd never stopped to think about moments like this, never wished for them or hoped for them, either.

Now that she was here, though, in his arms, wondering why on earth she was even allowing this, she let herself enjoy it.

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**Thanks as always :)**

**This weekend :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 6**

**A/N Thank you to those who reviewed! It never fails to brighten grey and stupid winter days :)**

**Another short one, so the next one will be here Wednesday at the latest.**

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It couldn't compare to anything else.

Nothing would compare to _this._

He made a conscious effort to loosen his hold but his body seemed detached from his brain, refusing to heed orders. Her hair smelled like earth and woods, like rain and smoke. It was too poetic a description of a tangled mass of black hair, unwashed and less shiny than it had been once, but it was the only description he could come up with, those words the only ones that filled his head.

He wasn't supposed to be here. He knew all the reasons for that; they tumbled through his mind, interweaving with the sensation of her smell all around him, her body leaning into his, but he couldn't let go.

It was cold and it was about to rain. It was dark and unsafe. She was a witch and he was a soldier.

They were not, under any circumstance, supposed to be hugging each other underneath a tree in the middle of the woods, holding on too lightly to call it desperate but with enough feeling for it to become that soon enough.

He didn't want to let go. He never wanted to let go.

She pulled back, oblivious to his thoughts, and straightened her dress. She didn't look at him and he wondered what that meant.

They didn't know each other very well, he realized. He'd known that, of course, but it became so clear now. They'd barely known each other to begin with, little more than tentative friends when she'd left.

He'd wanted more, even back then, but not enough yet to act on it. Not enough to tell her about it, to tell Glinda about it.

He had wanted it, though. And he wanted it now. But he didn't know _what _it was that he wanted, exactly, and he knew even less what she wanted.

They'd met under such strange and unexpected circumstances. There was drama all around, lies surrounding them and danger lurking just behind every corner. But there was a quiet and strange sort of peace between them.

She would never hurt him. He would never betray her.

They both knew that, even if both had been taught to think differently.

But what now?

The first time, those few weeks ago, had been a fluke. An accident.

This time it had been on purpose, both of them looking for what they'd found last time.

So what now?

He decided to take a risk. He couldn't lose, really.

"Will you come back?"

She looked up, an awed but sad look on her face. She shook her head but before she could open her mouth, he spoke.

"Please?"

Another shake.

"Fiyero..."

Her tone betrayed her answer and he acted quickly. His hands grabbed both of hers and held on tightly.

"Elphaba. We both came back here for the same reason. That has to mean something. Even if we don't what that is."

She cocked her head and he could tell she was thinking about his words, unable to deny them.

"We both need this. _I _need this and I think you do too."

She bit her lip and he tried not to be distracted by that. He wasn't completely ready yet, for what he truly felt for her. For what he truly wanted.

"Come back."

He whispered the words as he tugged her forward and his body touched hers again. His nose nuzzled her cheek a little and she froze. He stepped back at that, not willing to push her boundaries and looked at her beseechingly.

"Elphaba?"

She pressed her eyes shut for a second and then opened them again. Against all her better judgement, she couldn't refuse.

She nodded and tried not to feel the loss as he pulled his hands away from hers.

* * *

**Thank you :)**

**I'd love a review, if you're not short on time!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Middle Ground **

**Chapter 7**

**A/N Thank you for your reviews. They so make my day, especially now when I have three days a week where I am at uni till 8 in the evening, and then have almost two hours to travel before I get back home...it's a lot of easy dinners, let me tell you. **

**In any case; your words truly make my days a lot better, so thank you.**

* * *

They met again.

And again.

Not for long, not with any particular goal and not for any reason that could be formulated or defended. Reason had nothing to do with it. They met because they couldn't stay away. They did it again, chasing down a feeling that could only be captured when they were together.

Elphaba tried to tell herself it wasn't wrong or strange or inappropriate. She hadn't had many friends at any point in her life and she was so accustomed to being alone now, her time at Shiz more than two years past, that now it felt unreal and almost improper and unfitting to meet up with a friend.

It wasn't. He was just a friend. Or as close as she ever got to having friends, anyway.

Save for Glinda. Of course.

And if there was anything wrong about it, it was that he was risking his life, as part of the Gale Force, by meeting her and not telling anybody about her.

But she was risking hers, by meeting up with a soldier of the Gale Force and not telling any of her fellow Resistance members.

And it wasn't as if he knew anything about her, really. He didn't know about her job, her missions, her hiding places. He didn't know she had something resembling a home. Or, well...not a home, but at least a place to eat and sleep and do her research and her planning. He didn't know it was right here in the Emerald City she did most of her work.

She didn't know much about him, either, but he volunteered more information; he told her about the Gale Force, about their missions, their ideas of where she was and what she did and he didn't hide any of their plans from her, or so it seemed.

She never offered him the same. She simply couldn't risk it. She would risk her own life by continuing to meet him in the forest. That, she could live with. But she wouldn't risk her mission, her fellow Rebellion members, or the Animals she wanted to help.

But Fiyero knew that. And he never asked.

It was getting to be dangerous, though. She was aware of that. It couldn't last. Every time she was on her way to the forest she told herself it was the last time. They couldn't keep this up, it was bound to end badly for one, if not both of them.

But every time she left and he asked to come back in ten, six, three days, she would. She tried to keep at least a week between their meetings. She couldn't risk too much time away and neither could he. He was more careless than she was and more willing to risk his life. But she wasn't willing to risk either of theirs.

She landed swiftly and safely and put her broom away.

"Elphaba."

Her name, so softly spoken and with such relief, was immediately followed by hands on her shoulders that pulled her back against him. She heard the voice in her head that told her to pull away but it faded the moment she let her head fall back against his shoulder. His lips touched her cheek and the voice came back, but only fleetingly as she turned in his arms and hugged him back.

Oh Oz, they shouldn't be doing this. She couldn't deny that. This wasn't mere friendship and it never had been. Her body buzzed as the air did around them and her fingertips itched to touch him. His lips had left a burning sensation on her cheek that spread through her entire body.

She shouldn't be here.

This should, and would, be the last time.

"Are you alright?"

His voice was so tender it was nearly enough to make her cry.

She shook her head, not seeing the point in lying. At least not about this.

"We have to stop this."

The expression on his face, the pain in his eyes, made her want to take back her words but, at the same time, only strengthened her resolve. It proved her right.

"Fiyero. This can't go well. It has to stop sometime. We both know that. We knew that from the start. How do you expect to keep this up? It's getting towards the winter. Do you want to keep meeting in the freezing cold, to stand in a forest with me? Don't you think that will attract attention at some point?"

She was rambling, wanting to get the words out now that they still made sense, but he refused to agree.

"So we think of something else."

"Like what? This isn't safe. Not for either of us and I can't...I can't..."

She wanted to finish her sentence but didn't know how. In the end, she settled for silence and raised her eyes to his.

He put his hands on her upper arms and ducked his head a little to study her. It made her squirm and she tried to pull away. She hadn't been lying. She couldn't do this. Not anymore. Not now that it was becoming so painfully clear what she really wanted.

Not that she would ever tell him that.

"Elphaba."

His lips touched her forehead and he looked at her again. There was such warmth and kindness in his eyes. How could she walk away from that?

"Fiyero..."

Her voice wasn't what she'd wanted it to be, but it only made him hug her again and tighter this time. She wondered, couldn't help it, if the hugging was merely a poor substitute for what lay beneath the surface; a desire that scratched at the walls of their willpower.

She needed to put a stop to this, but she didn't know how. The days were long and the nights even longer. It was cold and lonely. She'd never minded the loneliness. She was used to being alone, revelled in it most of the time. She worked well by herself. She didn't need anyone. She never had and she never would.

But Oz, she wanted him. She wanted him in her life. Even if it was just like this.

It was a reprieve. A shelter. A cocoon. Something to hide in and rest for a little while. And now, she had to give that up. He was offering and she was going to walk away.

_How?_

"I'm tired."

It was barely than a whisper. Hushed words that shouldn't be spoken but they'd escaped her lips before she'd had time to stop them.

He pulled back a little to look at her, to study her face, then nodded and pulled her head to rest against his shoulder.

"Stay."

His words were nearly as soft as hers.

She pulled back to look at him as if he'd gone insane. But also, with the tiniest shred of longing. She hoped, hoped with all she had, that he hadn't heard her admission. That he couldn't tell how badly she wanted to do as he asked.

* * *

He did know that. He'd known that all along, though he wouldn't point that out. And he had heard her. It were always the words she whispered that held meaning and he had learned to listen.

"What?"

He would never point that out either because it would change her mind and likely chase her away for weeks on end, at least.

"Stay the night."

She gave him a look that made him roll his eyes.

"Not like that. I didn't mean it like that. Just as...just us."

She shook her head even as her heart beat faster at the thought of it and her head ache seemed to disappear at the idea of a quiet night, a safe night, with Fiyero by her side.

"I can't."

His hand came up to the side of her head to rest there, his thumb brushing her forehead.

"You can. Not here, not now. I get that. Meet me somewhere."

"Meet you?"

"Yes. I'll find some place and leave the address for you. We can meet there and just...just talk. Or sleep, whatever you want."

She shook her head with a sigh. If only...

"Fiyero.."

"I promise you it'll be safe. I promise. All you have to do is show up."

"But..."

"You know I won't betray you. You know that, don't you?"

She nodded but felt stupid, then shook her head again.

"I can't. It's not right."

He couldn't hold back the impatient sigh.

"Nothing is right. Nothing about any of this is right. But...but Elphaba..."A hand moved through his hair in frustration.

"What's so wrong about it? We're not doing anything wrong."

"_You_ are. You're Captain of the Guard. And you have Glinda. So _I _am too. All of this is wrong."

"The first is just a ruse, which I told you. And Glinda won't know. She doesn't know any of this. And I am not doing anything wrong. And neither are you...and even if it is wrong...I don't care."

His other hand stroked her hair and she felt her eyelids droop. She was so tired and what he suggested was so...it sounded so...so nice. Even if it was just once. Just one evening. Somewhere warm and safe and comfortable. Somewhere with just them. She'd give almost anything for that.

"Please?"

His voice was pleading. He wanted this as much as she did.

"Okay."

His smile was dazzling.

"Okay. I will leave you a note somewhere. I know where we can go."

"Just tell me now. I'll remember it."

"Two days from now."

She gulped.

"Okay."

And then it'd be done. Then, she'd end it. She would.

"Elphaba."

She turned around, barely able to look at him but unable to look away.

"I'll see you there. I'll leave the balcony door open."

She nodded but didn't speak. She wasn't sure she could. One night, and then she'd end it all.

* * *

**A/N Thanks! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 8**

**A/N I apologize for the delay. I hope you enjoy nonetheless and I do promise to not take as long with the next update! And thank you so so much for your kind words. **

* * *

Things seemed almost normal at times.

Times like this, where she would wait to make it to their arranged meeting spot only slightly after nightfall, and he'd be there waiting for her with things to eat and drink, with blankets ready and a fire burning.

How he knew of these places, often apartments that were clearly inhabited but empty at that time or abandoned buildings that still had running water and a fire place that they used with too little caution, was a bit of a mystery to her but she trusted him more than she should, and she didn't really want to know. She'd asked him once and he'd mentioned something about knowing the city really well because of his job, and the mention of the Gale Force and the cold, hard hit of reality that came with it, had caused them both to search for and latch onto a different topic.

It wasn't not that they weren't aware of the reality of what they were doing. It was that they chose to ignore it for as long and as much as they could. It was easier that way. Even if it wouldn't be easy for much longer.

Elphaba took of her cloak and shook it out. It was raining outside and rain made her cranky. She wasn't actually allergic to water, ridiculous rumor as that was, but it did annoy her to no end to be out in it. A little side effect of flying everywhere on an enchanted broom; the open skies offered freedom, but they also offered weather and the moodswings of Nature, that people travelling in carriages had little to do with.

She grimaced as she took the pins out of her hair and wrung out the long tresses. Ugh. Wet hair was the worst. She turned around as she heard footsteps and a towel appeared in her line of sight.

She grabbed it, ignoring the tingles shooting up her spine as their hands met.

She dried off her hair, then her damp clothes and straightened, only to be met with a steaming cup of what smelled like chocolate.

"What is it?"

"Hot Chocolate."

She looked up at him, questioningly.

"Hot chocolate? I'm not a child."

"Since when is chocolate only for children?"

She frowned but took the cup.

"I suppose it's not."

She eyed the drink a little warily. He noticed and frowned.

"You don't like hot chocolate? I didn't think it was possible for people to dislike hot chocolate."

"Well, I'll let you know as soon as I've tried it."

"You've never had hot chocolate? I didn't think that was possible either."

"My father didn't care for frivolous things."

"And chocolate would be frivolous?"

The look of astonishment on his face was enough to relax her. Memories of Colwen Grounds, of her father, of Nessa, were always enough to dampen her mood, but Fiyero's mere presence was enough to push those clouds to the back of her mind these days. She didn't want to linger on why that was.

"It would indeed," She smiled and brought the cup to her lips, her eyes on him as she took a sip. He smiled as she did.

"Thank Oz you have me to add frivolity to your life."

Her smile faded.

"Yes, thank Oz."

Neither spoke as they tried to chase the words, and the thoughts that came with them, away.

Fiyero moved first, as he moved towards the kitchen. They'd used this place twice before and he knew his way around.

"Sit down. I'll go get dinner."

She was still frowning when he returned with two plates.

"More frivolous things?"

"If you consider meals frivolous."

He seemed to realize the truth in every possible answer to that question and glanced at her from the corner of his eye as he put a plate down in front of her.

"Never mind that. Eat this. No offence, but you look like you could use it."

She let his question slide and focused on the pasta dish in front of her.

"You cooked?"

Her question was met with an exasperated look.

"Yes. Don't sound so surprised. I know some stuff."

Her eyebrow raised, she stared at her plate, then at him.

"Thank you."

The surprise in her voice had as much to do with gratitude as with her shock at his cooking skills.

He seemed to understand, as he took a seat across from her and grinned.

"You're welcome."

* * *

It was times like this that made things seem normal. Normal in a way that she hadn't known before and had never longed for, and definitely never wished for, either.

But time went too fast and the moments always passed, snippets of conversations fading to the background as they both gathered their things, preparing to return to their lives.

She'd never noticed before how time could fly. They didn't do anything but talk, for hours on end, and yet time passed so rapidly, it felt as if they'd barely seen each other. But morning dawned now , as it inevitably would, and it was time to go.

"Will you come back?"

His question broke the silence as she adjusted her hat and reached for her broom.

"Next week?"

She sighed.

"Fiyero..."

They did this every time. She was tiring quickly of pretending she didn't want to. She had always been bad at acting.

"Elphaba, please?"

He sounded genuinely concerned that she might refuse. How could he be? Hadn't she proven time and time again that she couldn't refuse him?

"I just don't think...this isn't right...and what if you get caught?"

She wouldn't refuse him anything, but a part of her, a part that was getting smaller every time they said goodbye, hoped that he'd refuse her. That he'd see the mistake he was making, because he was making one, and he'd say goodbye to her, for good. She hoped for it because she wouldn't, and she could feel the tension building inside her. At some point, the damn would burst. She had always been a bad actress, but she was even worse at keeping her emotions in check. She'd learned much and gained skills in both areas during the past year-and-a-half, but this wasn't like that. This wasn't like that at all. So, yes, she hoped he would end it.

He wouldn't, and she loved it as much as she hated herself for it.

"So what?"

She turned, a half smile pulling at her lips, but it was a smile of incredulity, not amusement.

"So what? It would get you killed."

"I don't care. Next week? Same day?"

She nodded but seemed unsure.

He grabbed her hands.

"I need this. I need you. Elphaba, without you..."

He let go of her hands, shook his head, ran his hands through his hair.

"Can you honestly tell me you don't feel how I feel?"

She bit her lip and stepped away a little, shaking her head in denial of his question. She didn't want to answer him. This part, she wasn't ready for.

"Fiyero..."

He grabbed on to her hands again and pulled her back towards him. Not that she'd gotten very far away. She'd come to notice she stayed as close as she could to him, lately. Being away from him hurt, but stepping away from him while he was still in the same room with her, had become nearly impossible.

"Can you?"

"No." Her voice wasn't hers. It had run away from her and left a throaty whisper in its place.

He nodded and slowly let go of her hands.

"Okay. Then next week. I promise I won't cook."

She couldn't smile, though she wanted to.

"Not here though. Somewhere else. I don't want to raise suspicion."

He'd thought about this. He'd really put thought into this. It made it all so much worse. So much more wrong.

Oh Oz.

She was supposed to end it. She'd promised herself she would.

And now she hadn't.

And she wouldn't.

* * *

**I wrote it without thinking about it, but I think the chocolate thing has been done before in, if I remember correctly, one of Fermataoso's admirable stories. Consider it an ode, then. And go read all of her stuff, if you haven't. **

**Another thanks to NastElittlebuggr, who is helping me with what's to come and who is now invaluable :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 9**

**A/N This one is short, as is the next one so I will post the next one later today and the one after that tomorrow. I hope that helps. **

* * *

He didn't cook. He brought take-out instead.

She couldn't help the smile she felt at seeing that.

She was starting to look better. She was starting to feel better too. Healthier and stronger.

She knew that they were fooling themselves, but since nothing was happening between them, she could tell herself it wasn't really so wrong at all.

They were just friends. And he helped her out. The one evening a week she had with him, and she did limit it to one night a week, that was conspicuous enough, was the one night she could rest. Really rest. And smile. And laugh.

And talk.

And be looked at as if she was more than nothing. As if she was someone. Someone worthy. Someone wanted. Someone loved.

Of course, she knew it couldn't last. She'd have to stop at some point.

It was increasingly difficult to sit across from him, to sit next to him, and not move closer. To not want to touch him, to not want kiss him.

She wanted him. She had wanted him years ago and she wanted him now. It had never changed and she doubted it ever would.

And it seemed sometimes that he wanted her too. It could never happen, it would never happen, and it was probably all in her head, but she couldn't help wanting it.

She took a seat on the sofa, where cartons filled with numerous things that made her stomach growl stood on the coffee table. She shook her head at the amount of food he'd brought. He was starting to make a habit of it. Maybe because he suspected that when it wasn't their night (and she dismissed the fact that what what she referred to it now and what that said and how stupid and naive that was), she didn't pay much attention to herself, to how she ate, and when and what. She'd never cared for how she looked, it had never made a difference to anyone, and she'd long ago learned to care about her brain more than her body. But he worried about it, and it humbled her to know he cared for her health. He worried about her, she was aware of that. He was afraid for her, he didn't want her cold or wet or hungry. He was maybe, apart from Glinda so long ago, the first to truly worry about her well-being.

"You really do think I'm too skinny."

He smiled and took a seat on the same sofa, his back against the armrest and his feet touching her legs.

"I do. Not that it makes you any less gorgeous."

She frowned both at the lie and at the line he crossed in saying that.

"Fiyero."

"What?" He handed her a carton and a fork.

"It's the truth."

She took it without question and pulled her legs up on the sofa as well, shifting her body a little to face him.

"It's not."

"It is."

He took a bite without looking at her.

"And you know that I am not lying, that I really think so. So stop protesting, and eat your food."

She smiled and took a bite.

"You're insane. This is insane."

He nodded but looked surprisingly serious.

"Perhaps."

He raised his eyes to hers then.

"But it's the first thing that has felt real in a really long time."

She didn't protest that because she knew exactly what he meant.

* * *

**Bear with me? And please do review..**


	10. Chapter 10

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 10**

**A/N I've never ever written anything as short as this but felt like the best place to end it. The next chapter will be here tomorrow. Now, I only just saw the winners of the 2012 Greg Awards and I won! I am so truly, truly honoured! Best Fiyeraba...wow. Thank you so much to those who nominated and/or voted for me! Considering my lovely competition, you understand I was very surprised to have won and Best Original Character I didn't even know I was nominated for! I am so happy :)**

**Thank you. I am ridiculously proud!**

* * *

Dammit.

She hissed a little as she stretched out her arm as far as it would go.

She was bleeding. And it hurt. It hurt like hell.

Stupid, damn trees with their stupid damn branches. Stupid assignments that made her leave her cloak behind.

She swore loudly and passionately enough that it would have made both her sister and her father have a stroke if they'd ever heard it.

Of course, they had both probably suffered one already, after what she'd done.

Best not to think about that, though.

It was definitely better to think about the wound on her shoulder, with blood seeping into her dress and the pain that it brought her. She hadn't had a chance to take a look at it. She'd been too busy getting out without being seen by anyone else.

She'd needed blueprints, and she'd gotten them too. Only one of the guards had seen her and had aimed a shot after she'd refused to heed his warning to stop, turn and explain. Of course she hadn't. If she'd had, she would have been dead by now, probably. Or at least be enjoying a cushy stay in Southstairs.

She was sure the guard hadn't seen who he'd really shot at, though. It had already been dark and he hadn't had much of a chance to see her skin. She'd been wrapped up from neck to toe, with only her face showing and barely that.

Plus, if he truly had seen her, he would have called for more men. He would have made some sort of noise.

But he hadn't, the bullet had only grazed her and she had the blueprints.

So all in all. It was a pretty good day.

She supposed the fact that she was on her way to see Fiyero helped matters too. He'd worry himself over that silly wound, maybe, but she was fine and they'd spend another few hours with absolutely nothing of any importance.

Which made it so utterly invaluable.

* * *

**A/N To make up for the past two short ones, I will post a longer one tomorrow. Does that help?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Middle Ground **

**Chapter 11**

**A/N A few hours late, due to endless chaos on the public transport system, here they are :)**

* * *

He watched her come in through the window with practised ease. Every time she did that, he could do nothing but be in awe.

She was so powerful.

He could see it in the way she moved. He'd never thought of her as particularly graceful, but she really was. Had she always been or was it something she'd acquired over the years?

He smiled and walked over to her. He walked up behind her and she turned around as if she'd felt him approach. She returned his smile and put a hand on his chest and he tugged off the glove that adorned it. He was glad to see it go, glad to see the tell-tale green that had become his favourite colour.

There were less words between them sometimes. Sometimes there were no words at all.

He moved to hug her but froze at the sight of her shoulder at the same moment she froze in what he imagined was pain.

"What ...What the hell is that?"

She grimaced, but it wasn't at the pain this time.

"Fiyero.."

She pulled back slightly and held her hands up in a placating manner.

"Fiyero, I'm fine."

His eyes narrowed.

"You're not fine. _That_ is not fine."

He walked around her and pulled down the top of her dress. She pulled back, startled and turned to look at him, eyebrows raised.

"I'm sorry, but that needs to be cleaned. You need help."

She shook her head a little.

"I'll be fine. It's just a graze."

He ignored her as he undid another button.

"Who did that? Was it the Gale Force?"

She made to move away from him but he held her in place with an arm on her shoulder.

"No, or well...not your department. I was...working. Someone saw me. They took a shot and missed. I'll be fine."

She could almost hear his teeth grinding.

"That doesn't look like they missed."

She wanted to turn around again and face him, assure him she was truly fine, or would be anyway, but the hand on her shoulder only pressed down harder.

"Like I said; a graze."

She took his arm and removed it from her shoulder so she could turn around.

"And I'm fine."

His jaw was still clenched but he nodded.

"You will be, as soon as you turn around and take off that dress."

She merely raised her eyebrows but it was in amusement this time.

He rolled his eyes, clearly not ready to share in her amusement.

"Oh, you know what I mean."

She sighed in frustration but gave in.

"Fine. But no dramatic crap anymore. I've lived through a lot worse, believe me."

It was his turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

She cocked her head and held herself away from his touch, a slight note of warning in her voice.

"Fiyero..."

He nodded in impatience and nudged her in the direction of a chair.

"Yeah, yeah. Just sit down and let me take a look at that."

She did what he told her without further protest but it didn't calm his temper in the slightest.

He tried not to let his anger show but his jaw was starting to hurt.

He'd need to unclench it sometime in the near future. He forced himself to take a deep breath and rolled his shoulders.

Someone had shot her. And they hadn't missed, no matter what she claimed.

What if they'd gotten her? What if they'd actually managed to shoot her? Kill her?

What then?

He tried to clear his mind of such thoughts as he returned to where she was sitting with a cloth and a first aid kit.

"Now hold still. I know how difficult that is for you."

He could almost _feel_ her shooting daggers at him.

"You're one to talk."

"Yes well, I am not the one that's been shot."

She huffed and her shoulders moved. He tightened his hand on her good shoulder, trying to keep her still. Oz, this woman was _always_ moving.

"Fiyero..."

"I know. A graze. I don't care. Make of it what you will, you were shot."

"But you're making me all better."

Her tone was mocking and it got on his nerves.

"Next time it might not be."

Her patience was wearing thin, the way it did when it was about her.

"Yes, well. I knew that when I signed up for this job."

"Did you?"

She didn't turn to look at him. She just fell silent and stared straight ahead.

When he'd finished, he ran his fingers softly over the bandage and pressed his lips to the back of her neck. She shivered and he tried his hardest not to notice.

"There."

"New and improved?"

"Nope. Just bandaged up."

"Thank you."

He nodded.

"Fiyero?"

He glanced at her. There was too much in her eyes that he didn't want to see there, and too little of what he did want to see.

"I'll be more careful, if that helps. This doesn't happen a lot. I'm good at what I do."

"I have no trouble believing that. In fact; that's what worries me."

She frowned as she shrugged back into her dress. Not that she'd ever taken it off. Only a peek at her shoulder, and he'd been too distracted at her being _shot_, to truly notice.

"Why?"

"Because I think you take more risks than you need to. Unnecessary ones."

She frowned a little and her tone was dismissive.

"Why would I take unnecessary risks?"

He moved to stand behind her and buttoned up her dress.

"Because you feel you have nothing to lose."

"I don't." A shrug accompanied callous words;"Except my life. And only I can determine the value of that."

He fastened the top button and clenched his jaw in frustration, fear and annoyance.

"Not _only_ you. And you have _me_ to lose. In case that makes any difference."

It came out bitter, as he had meant it to.

She didn't look at him, because he didn't deserve it.

"It does."

* * *

**I will try to post the next one this week but I better not make any promises. If you enjoyed it, please let me know :) **

**If you didn't, feel free to let me know as well!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 12**

**A/N I was planning on posting the entire story before graduating but two weeks ago my study advisor suddenly said: "Why don't you finish it all right now? It saves time and money and I think you could do it."**

**As a result, unfortunately, I have no time for**_**anything**_**. I will try to post whenever I have the time but I tend to forget about things when I am busy or stressed so feel free to stalk me about it when it's been too long.**

**In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this. I didn't have time to tweak much but NastElilBuggr gets the credit for the things you do like :)**

* * *

She was running late.

She was running late for her meeting with Fiyero.

Her mission had been more complicated than expected and normally that wouldn't have been a problem but she'd been seen by the Gale Force.

Stupid. She hadn't expected them to see her, really. They were all over the city and they rarely spotted her. Besides, it was nearly the weekend and they'd all seemed drunk.

They'd seen her though and raised the alarm and within a matter of minutes dozens and dozens of green-clad boys had been aiming rifles at her. Luckily, she'd already been up in the air by then. They could shoot, but they couldn't aim as well when the target was up so high and not one bullet had so much as touched her. A lucky escape, even if skill had been involved.

Normally, she would have headed to one of her hiding places now, to lay low for a few days, until the Guards relaxed a bit more, patrolled that area a little less and then she'd try again. Today, she was supposed to meet Fiyero. Somewhere along the line meetings with Fiyero had started taking precedence over her work. It endangered her work more even than it endangered her. She was able to focus on her job at all times, she knew the importance of focus and a clear mind but it was moments like this, when she felt she was done, safe, almost out of the warzone, that her mind wandered. And it always wandered back to the same person.

She'd agree to meet him in yet another apartment he'd found somehow, one that he'd told her was owned by Avaric's family. She wasn't comfortable with the idea that they knew the owner, and he knew them. Not what they were doing and certainly not that they had found access to his property, but he was a link to a past that she had tried to leave behind. He hadn't really been an enemy, nor had he been her biggest tormentor back at school, but he was a connection to a life she no longer had. She would have preferred to keep it all separate, her former life and who she was now. But then, Fiyero had seemed fine with it, had been the one to find it in the first place, and they'd used a few times now. Nothing had happened. Avaric never came and the location was ideal. Especially now that she needed a place to hide and the heart of the city was a place they'd never look for her.

Especially now, when all she wanted was to get to where Fiyero was. Soon. He'd worry. Oz knew what he would do. So she'd disregarded her safety-plan in favour of meeting Fiyero to assure him she was fine. And because she needed to know that he was too. She hadn't seen him there, but then she hadn't exactly had time to focus on finding him among them.

She flew faster than she should, the wind was strong, she might be seen but she didn't slow down.

She flew through the open window and landed, rather ungracefully. She barely had to time to straighten herself and take of her cloak because a hand wrapped around her shoulder to whirl her around and before she had time to utter a protest, his lips were on hers.

She made a noise in the back of her throat but even she wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean and he didn't seem to care much anyway. The hand on her wrist was now on her back and his other and was fisted in her hair, pulling her head back as his lips moved down to her neck.

She gasped and took a stumbling step backward but he just moved with her and kept her going till she felt the wall against her back. His body moved into hers and his mouth was back on hers, his lips moving over hers, begging for entrance.

She knew, on some level deep down, that she could stop this. She was clearheaded enough still to put a stop to what was happening, what was going to happen. Instead, her lips parted and she felt his tongue slip through. It was enough to make her moan and her hands found their way to his chest, up to his shoulders and around his neck.

He pushed her into the wall even harder and she could feel the length of his body pressed up against her. Tensed and tightly coiled muscles, hard and soft at the same time. His hands moved through her hair, down her back and lifted her up. He walked a few steps and, holding her up against him with one arm around her waist, opened a door somewhere behind her with his other.

She didn't notice much of the movement, too busy with his lips and her hands in his hair, but she noticed the bed as she fell back into the mattress and he moved over her.

She put her hands on his chest and pulled back as much as she could.

"Fiyero."

How did he manage to do that to her voice? There was nothing left of it.

He pulled back too, panting and blinking the desire out of his eyes. She could tell he'd acted without being fully aware of it because he looked at her, at their position and she saw shock settle in his eyes.

She wondered for a moment if this was where he'd stop; where he'd tell her they should not, could not, would not do this; where he'd ask her if she wanted this, if she was sure.

She watched his face and waited for the words to come, but instead she saw his eyes cloud over, darken with an emotion she couldn't truly name because she'd never seen it before, not like this, but she didn't get time to mull it over because his hands were on her body again, dragging her up and yanking her back against him.

His fingers yanked through her hair, got tangled and pulled back her head to give him access to her throat and neck. She couldn't focus on anything else anymore.

Gone was the illusion that this should not be happening. That this had not been coming for a long time, since the moment they met again in those damn, fated, glorious woods. It had been an illusion from the start, anyway.

His hands were impatient, frustrated and rough.

She didn't mind because hers were too and she didn't waste time with buttons as she tore at his shirt and pushed it over his shoulders. She moved forward, sliding her legs over his as she straddled him. He automatically fell backwards, reaching to take her with him, but her hand slid behind his neck to stop his movement and pull him back up.

His body was flush up against hers and she almost thought she could feel his heartbeat, fast and irregular, beating against her chest. It was her own in the same erratic pattern, however, and she took a second to look into his eyes, brown locking on blue, but no more than a second before she was back where she had been; her lips on his neck, the skin hot and sweaty, and her teeth biting a little too hard to be friendly.

His hands moved all over her, tearing at buttons at the back of her dress. She should be worried about being in such a state of undress, about being naked in front of a man, in front of Fiyero, in a matter of minutes, but she wasn't. He wanted this as much as she did and after all these weeks, these months, of circling this moment, she wouldn't waste it with insecurities he'd only talk away in the end.

Instead, she reached back and grabbed grabbed the collar of her dress, helping him moving it down her body. She took in the perplexed expression on his face before it was replaced with a hunger that made her shiver. Her hair fell past both their faces like a curtain, as they stopped for a moment, only a moment of her hands on his bare chest, and his on her back, gliding down over smooth skin, until it reached her dress again, and the moment of quiet was gone. He moved quickly and fluently, pushing her backwards onto the mattress with his body, ripping down her dress as he moved, and what felt like hours later, hours too late, months, he was moving over her, his bodyweight pressing her down and his skin hot and sweaty against hers.

She felt something akin to pain, waited for it, but it didn't register. His hands were moving and they were doing things she couldn't place. She couldn't fight her body as it went with him, followed his fingers wherever they went. She pulled back from the kiss her held her breath in, but he wouldn't allow it, and re-captured her lips, his teeth pulling at her bottom lip.

She made a sound she was sure she'd be embarrassed about later, a growl that had never left her throat before.

Thoughts disappeared altogether as he moved inside of her and built up to something, someplace he seemed intent on taking her, she knew her head was shaking, her breath came in hitches from between parted lips and her chest was heaving.

It was too much. He was too much. Too much for her to handle.

She hadn't known, had had no idea, that things like this existed.

What a person could do to another, how she could lose, no, give up, control like that.

She whispered something, his name probably, as she felt her body pull her down into a whirlwind of something she couldn't fight and let go of everything else.

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**Thank you for reading. Leave me your thoughts :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Middle Ground **

**Chapter 13**

**My birthday rolled around and since celebration with the family has to wait till next week, I am celebrating with all of you :)**

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Morning didn't come as fast as he would have thought. Time didn't fly when emotions were running out of control and everything that had once seemed orderly, and sensible was now a great heap of confusion, fear, frustration and unadulterated happiness, swirled together and so tightly intertwined that he couldn't separate one from the other; they came and went in waves and left him feeling uncoordinated and untethered. Freed from a life that had begun, slowly, to box him in, but without roots now, and without comprehension. His entire life had been about feeling, first and foremost, but it had never been without control. If anything, his dancing method had allowed him full control from start to finish, never giving anyone else a chance to surpass him, or move ahead. He'd anticipated every move of those around him, and had danced his way right through. Now, though...

Now that time was over. And it was all because of one line he'd crossed with one woman.

Dawn wasn't even on the rise yet, but everything had changed within the span of a few hours. He needed to make choices, and some of those weren't his alone to make. He'd handed over control months ago, but he hadn't felt it as much as he did now. The woman he was currently pressed up against, who twitched in her sleep and dreamt intensely, muttered and frowned even in rest. Rest in motion and motion in rest, was Elphaba. He doubted if he'd ever really be able to keep up.

If he wanted to try, though...if he wanted to start trying, he'd have to start making deliberate choices now. He'd have to start cutting ties. Today.

He moved off her to sit back on his knees and pulled her up.

"Elphaba."

She was awake immediately; big brown eyes wide open and zeroed in on his face. He reached out and brushed her hair back behind her ears, as much to calm her as to steady his trembling hands. He might have gone too far tonight, and even though she'd wanted it just as much, he felt the need to apologize. He'd moved too fast, even if it had been a long time coming, and she ough to know that, at least.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wasn't...I didn't..."

He ran his hands through his hair, over his face.

"I wasn't thinking straight. I was ….when you didn't show...I thought..."

He took a deep breath and tried again.

"I heard about it. That they saw you. And when you didn't show I thought..."

She blinked, and tried to move, to sit up. Oz, she just wanted to sleep for a week.

"I know. I'm fine though."

Her eyes were open, she was aware of every inch of his body, but her legs trembled and her voice was raspy.

She forced her body to roll over and reached out an arm. Everything seemed better in the dark somehow. For them, it was better in the dark.

"They can't aim to save their lives."

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...are you okay?"

She sat up slowly, her movements languid both because of sheer exhaustion and because every muscle in her body seemed to hurt, and moved her hands to his upper arms and nodded.

"I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. I'm fine."

"But I...I..."

She smiled a little awkwardly.

"Yes, well...I guess you really were worried."

He shook his head and grimaced.

"I was. I mean...I was, but..."

"But what?"

"I …..."

"Fiyero?"

"I've been wanting to do that for a very long time."

She should have been surprised to hear it. And she was, in the sense that no man that beautiful and altogether wonderful should probably feel that way about her. But she wasn't because she'd been wanting it too. And she couldn't deny what had been there for these past few months.

And it wasn't fair to hide it from him. He felt genuinely bad, looking at her as if waiting for judgement. For punishment.

She wanted to tell him that she had wanted it too, but she couldn't get the words out. So instead, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

He pulled back in shock, his eyes wide. She couldn't blame him for that; even she herself hadn't seen this coming. This acceptance she felt. She still felt, even hours after.

"Elphaba?"

She shushed him with another kiss. He responded this time, and his hands found their way back to her hair but he leaned back again to look at her.

"Elphaba..."

She smiled and let her hands land on his collar, her fingers touching the bare skin there.

"Don't. Just..."

She was scared and she was convinced she would regret all of this. But even with the regret it would be worth it. She'd needed this. She'd wanted this. She wanted this so badly.

She looked him in the eye to convince him she was of sound mind and kissed his cheek. Then the other and the corner of his mouth. She felt his fingers flex and curl into her hair and looked at him without smiling.

"Just kiss me."

And he did.

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**Very slowly, we make our way towards Act 2...and to answer the reviewer, who I so rudely did not answer sooner: This could be canon, if you want it to be :) But that will change not too long from now..**

**Thank you so much for reading. I hope you'll leave me a review..**


	14. Chapter 14

**Middle Ground **

**Chapter 13**

**A/N Thank you for the reviews. Here's the next little instalment. I hope people are still with me, even if is taking forever.**

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He didn't need much persuasion to do what she asked, or maybe ordered was a word that fit her better, but he wasn't fully convinced she was okay.

He'd been wanting to do this, had been dreaming about this, for such a long time, but not once had he made an attempt to actually kiss her. And she hadn't given him an opening either.

The line had been blurry and tempting to cross, but it had always been there. Now, it was gone. Erased from the page without a second thought.

They should probably reconsider this whole thing but neither was willing to do so.

She was lying back on the mattress, her legs tangled with his, and his hands were all over her body. And she didn't push him away. She didn't tell him to stop. In fact, her hands were on his body as much as his were on hers.

He should have given her an out. A real one. Instead, he'd not asked a single thing, and taken what he wanted. And he didn't feel as guilty as he had expected, had imagined, he'd feel, because she'd wanted it too. It had been a long time coming, he'd been the first of the two to acknowledge that, even if only to himself.

He wouldn't walk away. For all the ways in this was supposed to be wrong, he couldn't bring himself to walk away. Whatever the consequences, this was worth it.

But she needed to make up her own mind on that front. She needed to decide for herself if she dared to cross that line, even wanted to. He might not be worth it to her.

He pulled back, took a deep breath and focused on calming his body down enough to not distract him from what he needed to say.

"Elphaba."

Her eyes were wide and her cheeks flushed. Her lips were swollen from kisses they weren't accustomed to. She looked absolutely irresistible and he felt his body respond. He lifted himself off her, both for her sake and for his, but she muttered a protest and reached for him. He tried not to pay attention to her pout and the way the fabric of the sheets strained against her chest.

"Elphaba..."

He was begging her to listen and it seemed to work, as she lifted her eyes to his, confused.

"Don't you...?"

He actually laughed at that. He couldn't hold it in. Oh Oz, she'd be the end of him. She didn't appreciate his laughter though because she frowned and moved to sit up. He helped her up a little and kept his hand in her neck, ensuring her attention.

"I want to. I really want to." His laughter faded into a more genuine grin,"You have no idea...how badly I want to..."

"Then..."

She only looked more confused.

"This is a line we hadn't crossed. And now..well...we crossed it and we won't be able to go back."

"Are you sorry for that?"

She asked him in such a genuinely curious, innocent voice. As if the answer only served to satisfy her curiosity and would have no further impact on any of their lives.

He pulled her up completely and into his lap. Her legs wrapped around him, which he tried not to focus on, and her arms came up around his neck. Her face still held that innocent expression and he wondered for a second what had happened to her. She was different. Different, yet so the same. There was a quality there now that he hadn't seen since that moment with the Lion cub all those years ago.

He looked up at her.

"I think I've been willing to cross that line for three years. But I'm not so sure you are too. And I never wanted you to regret this."

He made it sound as if there had never been any question, any doubt, as to whether or not this was going to happen. She supposed there hadn't been.

"And if I do?"

"Then I'll walk away."

And it was true. He would let her go, if she wanted him to. He just really did not want her to want him to.

She bit her lip in contemplation.

"I feel bad."

She admitted it, and felt better for it, and then worse.

"I feel bad because we shouldn't be doing this."

He nodded and, trying not to look too hurt, loosened his hold on her. She only locked her legs around him tighter, her body shifting in his lap, distracting him to no end.

"We shouldn't, but I want to."

It was a mere whisper again, her voice. As it always was when she said things she felt she shouldn't be saying. She hid her face in his neck for a moment and then looked back at him, her bottom lip once again the victim of her teeth and her eyes as wide as he'd ever seen them.

"I really want to, Fiyero. I wanted it just as much as you did."

He swallowed and slowly let his hands come around her and rest on her back, fingers spread wide, as he pulled her towards him. He caught her lips in a kiss so deep it made her moan and he moved his hands to the small of her back, fighting a little with the knotted sheets that were wrapped around her in impossible twists and turns, before he let her fall back into the mattress once again. He looked down at her, her dishevelled hair, her wide eyes, her slender body. The trust she was putting in him, by being here and how awed that made him feel.

He loved her. He really loved her.

He smiled at the realization and then grimaced. How was he going to tell her that?

He didn't have to think about it any more, though, because she said it first. Never in a million years would he have thought she'd say it first, but she did.

"I love you."

The words clear but her voice slightly pitched, as if unsure of her words and whether or not she should have spoken them. He smiled in relief and positioned himself on top of her, not looking away for even a second.

"That's really good to hear because I love you too."

She smiled but still appeared unsure, so he let his hands come up to caress her face and kissed her eyelids and cheekbones, before pulling back to look at her again.

"I love you so much more than I have words for."

The smile she rewarded him with was bigger, more genuine and more than worth it.

He smiled back at her and captured her lips again.

More than worth it.

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**Do keep in mind that this is still an Intermission fic. Not as many years have passed as when ALAYM happens in the musical, so they're not those people yet. There's still getting there. There might just be the tiniest bit more hope in both their lives at this point. For now ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Middle Ground**

**Chapter 15**

**A/N It would not do to explain everything that has happened as RL took control but believe me, please, when I say I am so glad to be back and have the time to do this. I hope there are some people still glad to see this after so long. To those who do, and those who have PM'd me and reviewed to remind me this story has readers still (Lexie, especially, you made me leave RL behind long enough to get this story in order again), I say THANK YOU and offer this, and every following chapter. Those will find their way to you as soon as possible, until we reach the end. I will not leave you hanging this time. It WILL be finished.**

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It hit her out of the blue. She was waiting for him, for once the first one at the spot they'd arranged to meet, and she was struck by the truth of what they were doing. What they were about to embark on. Or had already done. Had long since entered into.

She wasn't sure why it hadn't hit her before, why it came to her only now.

She stood in the middle of the room, the scene of the crime they would commit and she could no longer ignore the question at the back of her head. The question that had been dancing, hovering, on the periphery of her mind for the past week. Past months.

Were they really going to do this?

Was _she_?

An affair?

Because that is what it was. That's what they had. She wondered if that cheapened them, their ...whatever it was they had had so far. Or if it only felt like that because the truth was out now. Until last week, they'd been able to pretend they were friends. Just friends. Friends who weren't supposed to be friends, sure. Friends who were not supposed to meet each other in secret, yes. But nothing had happened, nothing tangible had been between them. Nothing that could be named.

But now, as she stood there, surveying the room they were about to tarnish with what could really only be described as an affair, adultery, she couldn't fight the truth anymore. Just because something didn't have a name, wasn't given a label, didn't mean it wasn't there. Wasn't real.

It was. It was real, and painful and ugly. And too beautiful to let go of.

So Yes.

Yes.

She was.

They_ were. _

She didn't fight the onslaught of guilt either. She despised herself for what she had done and what she was about to do. But she had despised herself for much longer than this and she had learned to live with it, live in peace with it even.

And he had become home, in the past few months. Fiyero.

He was the only person she trusted, fully and completely. The only place she knew that offered safety and comfort.

She couldn't give that up.

It had become a choice. It wasn't stronger than she was. It wasn't a pull that she couldn't resist. It wasn't desire that bound her to him against her will. It was a choice she made every week. Every day.

She wasn't as strong as she thought she had been once, but she made that decision with eyes wide open regardless. It wasn't one that got easier every time, the guilt and the reasons not to didn't fade with time, with every passing week and every moment between them. They were there all the time and she made that decision anyway.

She was faced with the choice between a clear conscience, Glinda's happiness, loyalty to her friend, the instinct to do what was best for Fiyero on one side and her own need and love for him on the other side and she chose him, she chose herself, every time.

She was being selfish. He belonged to Glinda, not to her.

But...

She paced the room restlessly, her eyes on the window, even as she knew he wouldn't enter through it and she wouldn't leave.

Because...did he?

Did he really?

Wasn't there some part of him that she could lay claim to? That she held within her?

There had to be.

He looked at her, every time he saw her, he looked at her as if she was …..precious. Valuable. Worthy.

He looked at her as if she was a woman and she hadn't felt like that before.

And he loved her. He'd told her so. He told her every single time.

There had to be truth in that.

Sure, he loved Glinda. He probably loved Glinda more. But not enough to stay away from her.

No. there was a piece of the world, a piece of her life, a piece of her, that belonged to the two of them.

And she wanted to hold onto that for as long as she could because at some point it would have to end. This couldn't go on forever. Something would happen to would put a stop to his and then she'd be left with nothing more than memories.

She wanted as many of them as she could get.

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**For this entire story credit goes to NastElilBuggr, who continues to provide a much needed sanity check :)**

**I won't make any promises for the rest of the story but the next chapter, at least, will be here tomorrow. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**A/N Thanks so much for the responses to the last one. I am humbled to see there are still people reading. Thank you :)**

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They'd promoted him.

He was Captain now.

He'd laughed as he said it. He'd almost danced through the door before he swept her up in an embrace that was jittery and jumpy. Too gleeful to last long.

He'd been so happy.

She'd been the first one there, as she was more and more these days.

She wondered sometimes, as she waited impatiently, the time spent alone giving her too much opportunity to think, if it was because she was getting more eager, less careful.

But she thought, was almost convinced, it wasn't.

It was just easier this way.

She could enter through the window and open the door from the inside out. There were no keys but she'd encountered locks more complicated than simple locks on simple front doors that kept no one out that wanted in. Even in a city terrified of Wicked Witches people were too trusting, building on the idea that because _they_ wouldn't be able to enter unseen, another wouldn't either.

She'd stopped worrying about Avaric.

It had made her uncomfortable to know their space, their place, was actually his. Belonged to him. It felt strange, to know someone else, someone she didn't even like, owned a piece of her. It had become easier over time, though. As the months passed and bad memories faded, she'd almost forgotten about him.

He never seemed to be here. She'd seen him leave once, from a distance. It had made her heart stop, but it hadn't been on a night she was supposed to meet Fiyero, so there had been no real danger. They always made sure not to leave any evidence of their presence. Of anyone's presence.

She'd made it a habit to check on the place every day. Just to see. Just to be sure. But Avaric rarely showed up. Only twice in the past few months had she detected any signs of life. A banana peel in the garbage, a dress shirt over the back of a chair. A bathrobe moved from the bedroom to the bathroom. Never anything more. Wherever Avaric did most of his business, it wasn't here.

It made her feel safer, to know he'd been here. It meant that he didn't know _they_ were. It meant no one had warned him of anything. It meant he simply didn't use this place much. She would see him if he did. They wouldn't be caught easily.

She'd fooled herself into believing. Had managed to create a routine of checking on the apartment, on meeting with Fiyero, on keeping her mouth shut on the job, that she'd pushed aside what it was they were really doing. Who they were doing it with. That it was against all odds and against all rules and should never be found out by anyone. That it couldn't, wouldn't, go one forever. That it wouldn't last.

She'd changed them, somehow, along the way, into a man and a woman, keeping up an affair that shouldn't be happening. An adulterous affair, but nothing more than that.

But there _was_ more to them than that. She was still the Wicked Witch of the West. And he...he was now...the Captain of the Gale Force.

He was the Captain of the army trained to kill her. Their sole purpose was to find and kill her.

And he was happy.

He could help her now, he'd said. She'd be so much safer.

He'd seemed to sure. How could he be?

This was his job, his career, his future. His_ life_.

There would be, had already been, press conferences. Reports. He'd answer to the public now, to the Wizard and Morrible directly. He was the face of the hunt for her life. The poster boy for safety and security. The leading man in the fight against terror.

And he was sleeping with the terror.

She almost, _almost_, laughed. She couldn't stop the tears, hot and thick, rolling down her cheeks.

She wouldn't be safe, she never was. Being willing to take a risk, entering a bad plan head-on did not equal safety. It didn't mean she would ever be safe. It only meant she was willing to suffer the consequences.

And now...

He'd told her how it worked. How he would make it work. He would lead them in the wrong direction. He would fool them. He'd make sure they never got close.

But he was in the public eye and he wouldn't get away with that forever. He'd be watched. Closely.

And even if he managed to do as he promised. Even if he could ensure she would be safe.

How about him?

Her safety might be increased now, if only temporarily. But his would not be. His risks would grow so much bigger than hers. He'd be risking everything.

Everything.

_Glinda_.

They were still a couple. The golden couple of Oz. What would happen if he were caught?

Even if the true nature of his relationship with Elphaba would never be known, even if it would only be his corrupted leadership that came to light...

Would they believe Glinda to be innocent? Or would she become an accomplice in something she'd never known, never expected? Something so much bigger and dirtier than she ever had been herself?

Elphaba sank back against the wall and stared at the door Fiyero had walked out of only hours before. They'd spent the night together, as they did. They'd said goodbye with too many kisses and touches and smiles.

Smiles that went from giddy to relieved to true and small and genuine to sad and guilty as the hours passed, morning dawned and the time to part drew closer.

He'd left through the door as she'd turned to the window, knowing she'd have to hurry if she wanted to make it back to her safety house before the sun rose. But she'd been stuck, staring at the door, knowing that something had changed that night.

Because for the first time since she'd run into him in that forest, maybe even for the first time since she'd met him, her attention had been on the world around them, more than on them. More than on him.

She'd kissed him back and she'd shivered at his touch and she'd been impatient enough to rip three buttons off his shirt, but it had been different. Forced, in a way. Desperate.

Something changed, and it would never go back to the way it was. Nothing ever did. Changes could not be undone, decisions not unmade.

There were always lasting effects. Always. Everything left traces.

This was it.

For them, this was it.

Choices had to be made now, there was no going back, and there was no muddling through. No hiding.

The world had come in and invaded their bubble. It would require too much to build it back up.

And he was already taking too many risks. For her. She couldn't let him.

And she couldn't let herself.

But...

She let her head rest against the wall as she stared at the ceiling, her eyes dry, her throat burning.

How..._how_...would she stop?

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**Day after tomorrow!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**A/N Thank you for your response. I hope you enjoy this little chapter.**

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She's asleep when he finally gets there. It occurs to him that must mean she trusts him. He doesn't bother getting undressed or waking her up. He just shrugs his coat off and crawls up behind her, moving his arm to fit around her waist and pulls her back against him. He pulls the pins from her hair and buries his nose in it. He loves that hair. Thoughts and memories of it haunted him after she left and they do so now, when they're not together. He always makes sure to pull every last pin from her hair, even in the middle of the night, when he wakes up for no good reason and watches her until he falls back asleep.

He's spent so many hours just looking at her that he's pretty sure he could draw her from memory and forget not one detail. That is actually what made him realize the truth. The fact that he knows every inch of Elphaba's face, knows every curve of her body. They spent so little time together, but that is what made their time precious, made every hour count. So he remembers all of it and he knows all of her. Down to the way his fingers fit around the curve of her hips, slide onto her waist. He's never had that with Glinda. Years together and he could not, not to save his life, recall every detail of her face.

It's not anything Glinda has or hasn't done. She is a striking woman, not just lovely but truly striking, and her beauty seems flawless. Maybe it is. He wouldn't know.

He's not in love with her.

He is in love with Elphaba. He's in love with Elphaba so _so_ much. The intensity of it scares him a little, when he thinks about it. Sometimes, at night, when he is back in the Palace, and listens to Glinda's soft breathing on the pillow next to him, he tries to imagine Elphaba beside him and the longing he feels then drowns out the loud sense of guilt.

He wonders too, in those moments, when the longing eases and guilt rushes forwards, if what he feels for Elphaba is so strong because it was always meant to be that way, was always going to be that way, or if part of the intensity is that it's a love he shouldn't be feeling. The time they spend together is stolen and could be taken away from them any time.

And sometimes...sometimes he thinks about it with all the objectivity he can muster and he wonders...He doesn't want to believe it but he can't be completely sure if this kind of love and passion is what makes people have affairs. And if these affairs are a result of such passion and love, or if it is the other way around.

Most of the time, though, he knows that the answer to that question doesn't matter for him. He is just in love with Elphaba.

With the worry lines around her eyes, that shouldn't be there at her age but are because she's seen too much, did too much. Knows too much. And she doesn't run from responsibility, and she doesn't forget.

With the corner of her mouth, the left one, because it pulls upward into a smirk when he says something thoughtless.

With the scar on her hip, thin but ragged, from when she pulled her skin on barbed wire but couldn't move because of the guards nearby and had to wait, and remain as still as possible, for an hour and a half until the new shift started.

She'd told him the story in too matter-of-fact a tone and scorned his worried expression because she'd been through worse and would go through worse still. He hated that story, but he loved it at the same time. He worried for her always but there was a part of him that was proud of her for sticking it out, all of it, to do what she believed in.

He is proud and frustrated at the same time and he doubts that combination will ever turn into just one or the other.

With the sound of her voice, deep but clear, and the way she murmurs his name as she falls asleep sometimes, with her face pressed into his arm or his side and her hair all over the bed.

With the sparkle in her eyes that gets brighter every week, when she arrived to find him waiting for her.

He loves even the things he doesn't like.

It contrasts sharply to the love he feels for Glinda, which demands focus and attention and is forgotten too easily. He does love her, and he does feel guilty. But he doesn't feel like he's cheating, and that isn't a good thing, because that is what he is doing.

The thing that bothers him most is that he doesn't know which of the two he is really unfaithful to.

Because he feels more guilt about being with Glinda, than he does about his nights with Elphaba. And that makes him morally deplorable. Like he had been before...before _her_. Before Elphaba. Before he discovered what it was like to fall in love, fall in way, way over your head and still feel like you're on top.

He doesn't want to be that boy anymore, would have sworn he wasn't. Now, it turns out, he hasn't changed as much as he thought he did. He's still lying to those that love him, still keeping secrets from those that trust him.

And instead of feeling _more_ guilt, he feels less.

Because, in the end, he loves her. And that is all he needs to justify what he's doing.

That's all he needs.

* * *

**A/N Unfortunately, for me at least, I have to go in for dental surgery tomorrow (yuck) so the next chapter will be a few days but I have at least two updates planned this week so it shouldn't be too long. **


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